Mar 24, 2011

How To Be Alone

To My Dearest Bear and Cheecha,

I often walk into experiences just when I need them. Here, again, The Universe speaks to me, in poetry form. While this lesson on How To Be Alone resonates right here, right now, I know one day this will be relevant to you as well. Press play. This is important for you to understand.


To be alone in Manila can be hard, in many ways, for many reasons. Cliques and social class and Family Names are too big a deal here. This is Herd City, where people will think you strange when you watch a movie or eat at a nice restaurant by yourself. As a friend puts it, even going to the bathroom is a community event around here. It is also considered strange to be single at age 30, 40 or 50.

And then... Sometimes we get rejected. Sometimes we're seen as too different, not good enough to be part of certain herds. Sometimes you might feel alone even among people you're supposed to belong to. But then, to quote Tanya Davis above...
Lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.
In fact, let me share some of my fantasies, which actually involve being alone. One, go to an Ashram one day, just me and my bag. Two, soak up the moon and music in Coachella--dancing by myself, not caring about others thinking me weird. Exactly like this...
Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.
And yes, Universe and my dearest children, I am constantly working on this, as I think we all should...
It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting life's magic things in reach.
And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn't get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.
You could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it. If your heart is bleeding make the best of it. There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
So go off sometimes to be alone, embrace it. Do not fear being by yourself. Be a Testament. Then when you need company again, I am your quickest antidote to alone. Always.

Love from your permanent fixture,




8 comments:

mzmackay said...

This was a beautiful post, Nona. The thoughts about the difficulty about being alone in Manila tugged at my heart. I felt all those pressures as I was growing up in Manila.

It was only when I left for the States that I actually embraced the beauty of solitude. I have my family here, yes, but not the extensions we feel we need to have back home.

When I visited last year, I really felt the difference. How I wish I knew how lovely it was to be alone sometimes, so many years ago.

Being alone does not need to be an exile. It can be an escape, even for a brief moment.

The Viva La Vida Mamas said...

See? We've come a long way because now we can embrace Aloneness. xoxo Mieks!

Miri said...

LOVE 10X this Post!

From someone who was never afraid to eat, watch a movie/play, shop and sightsee alone and revels in her alone time. I remain, a fellow seeker.

The Viva La Vida Mamas said...

Thanks to Tanya Davis for the words and Andrea Dorfman for expressing it on film. Feeling it Miri!

Barni said...

Being at home with yourself is a noble aspiration. It's not always easy, but it can be cultivated. Hope I can teach the kids that alone-ness is not always loneliness.

Nona said...

It's one of those things they'll have to learn on their own (excuse the pun)... but a little poetry is a good way to preach it : )

Arlu said...

This is really beautiful, Nona! A most timely message -- So happy to have come across your blog.

Cheers, and, as always, see you around! :)

Nona said...

Arluuuuuu! I love how the Universe keeps making us bump into each other--online and offline. Hahaha! Let's catch up again soon. Oohhhmmm....